who is currently on unemployment. I am a liar to myself. I am a fraud. I started a blog about losing weight and all I've done is gain a pound, lost a pound, gained two pounds. So far I am nowhere but up in weight and down in the dumps.
This blog was suppose to be motivation. It was suppose to inspire me to do well so when others read it they would see my accomplishments. Instead it was just here doing nothing just as I was at home doing nothing.
Can I start again? Do I have permission from this blog to move on and forget the past couple of months? Can I really maintain a healthy eating regiment along with exercise and the occasional good time?
This weekend I justified a piece of cheesecake with a 15 minute run at the gym and a 5 minute stair climber. The end result was I remained the same.
Today starts a new challenge. Today I will not justify anything. I will eat my calories. I will go to the gym. I will apply to new jobs and I will not complain or threaten to die.
I will knit to my fingers bleed instead of putting another snack in my mouth during the evening.
I have to start thinking of this not as a diet but as a change of who I am. I have always thought of myself as a fat person. Even when I lost the weight both times I still felt fat and ugly. I want to change as a person. If I can only lose 10lbs then I will love who I am at 10lbs lighter.
I can't blame the sitting at work anymore. I can't blame making dinner for Jake or having to watch the dog. I can't even blame myself anymore because it's killing me.
Today I start new. Hopefully I can manage this.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
To Scale or Not To Scale
The scale has always been a win/lose situation. Sometimes you win. The feeling is better than anything in the world, better than a Kohls' 30% off coupon that comes maybe once a year. When the scale tells you that you weigh less than you did the day before you start jumping around the bathroom like you won Power Ball. It could be 5lbs, 1lb, 2 ounces it doesn't matter. Less is always better.
But when you gain. When you gain even an ounce, just a point on the scale, it's like a death in the family. It's like a diagnosis of a brain tumor. It can ruin an entire day. Nothing fits after the weigh in, even if it's the same clothes you have been wearing all month weighing the same amount.
So what do I do? Not weigh myself on the scale? Weigh myself once a week, once a month? Can I really resist the scale? And if I don't weigh myself how will I keep track if I am gaining any weight? I used to only get weighed and measured at Curves once a month. I want to go back to this. The problem is I am currently embarrassed at the weight I am. I want to lose 5lbs before I do my first Curves weigh in, but that seems absurd.
Sometimes at Curves you lose inches not pounds. I remember how awesome it was to lose inches. If I keep waiting to lose weight to get weighed I may never get weighed. I may never see those few inches leave my body and motivate me to lose some more.
There was a time at Curves when I lost a total of 55lbs and I never owned a scale at home. Can I convince myself to go back to my old ways?
To Scale or Not To Scale that is the question.
But when you gain. When you gain even an ounce, just a point on the scale, it's like a death in the family. It's like a diagnosis of a brain tumor. It can ruin an entire day. Nothing fits after the weigh in, even if it's the same clothes you have been wearing all month weighing the same amount.
So what do I do? Not weigh myself on the scale? Weigh myself once a week, once a month? Can I really resist the scale? And if I don't weigh myself how will I keep track if I am gaining any weight? I used to only get weighed and measured at Curves once a month. I want to go back to this. The problem is I am currently embarrassed at the weight I am. I want to lose 5lbs before I do my first Curves weigh in, but that seems absurd.
Sometimes at Curves you lose inches not pounds. I remember how awesome it was to lose inches. If I keep waiting to lose weight to get weighed I may never get weighed. I may never see those few inches leave my body and motivate me to lose some more.
There was a time at Curves when I lost a total of 55lbs and I never owned a scale at home. Can I convince myself to go back to my old ways?
To Scale or Not To Scale that is the question.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Failure in the begining
I never said it was going to be easy. I never said because I wrote this long first blog about how I'm on a diet and this time I'm going to do it, that I would actually get it together and do it the first week. I blame Lady Gaga for the failure starting Wednesday.
You see, I was planning on going home on Wednesday and hitting the gym then eating a nice supper. But I got a call and free ticket to Gaga and then had to eat dinner on the fly and got some slices of delicious pizza and there went my Wednesday. Thursday was OK. Friday I went out for lunch because we received our bonuses from work. Saturday we went to the in-laws to break the fast for Yom Kippur. Sunday we made grilled pizza and I made a cupcake cake, as low fat as possible but it was still a cake.
So by Monday morning the weigh in didn't go so well. There was no weight loss. There may have been a slight gain, but only a few ounces. I guess that means today I start again.
Food I have brought to work today:
Oatmeal
Apple
Apple Sauce
Amy's Organic Burrito
100 calorie yogurt and toppings cup
Jello fat free pudding
100 calorie popcorn
Currently that is 841 calories out of a possible 1200-1500 which is my goal for the day. If I don't blow it for dinner and if I do go to the gym then all should be well today.
On a side note I did go running yesterday and did 20 minute pilates tape, my abs hurt for proof.
On another side note I bought a pair of jeggins and liked them for half a second, but the more I wore them the more I did not think I was ready to wear them. They looked skinny on the bottom half of my legs then not so skinny at the thigh area... I will try again in a month.
You see, I was planning on going home on Wednesday and hitting the gym then eating a nice supper. But I got a call and free ticket to Gaga and then had to eat dinner on the fly and got some slices of delicious pizza and there went my Wednesday. Thursday was OK. Friday I went out for lunch because we received our bonuses from work. Saturday we went to the in-laws to break the fast for Yom Kippur. Sunday we made grilled pizza and I made a cupcake cake, as low fat as possible but it was still a cake.
So by Monday morning the weigh in didn't go so well. There was no weight loss. There may have been a slight gain, but only a few ounces. I guess that means today I start again.
Food I have brought to work today:
Oatmeal
Apple
Apple Sauce
Amy's Organic Burrito
100 calorie yogurt and toppings cup
Jello fat free pudding
100 calorie popcorn
Currently that is 841 calories out of a possible 1200-1500 which is my goal for the day. If I don't blow it for dinner and if I do go to the gym then all should be well today.
On a side note I did go running yesterday and did 20 minute pilates tape, my abs hurt for proof.
On another side note I bought a pair of jeggins and liked them for half a second, but the more I wore them the more I did not think I was ready to wear them. They looked skinny on the bottom half of my legs then not so skinny at the thigh area... I will try again in a month.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Whatever happened to wide leg?
In a world of skinny jeans, I am a wide leg. A frayed at the bottom, loose around the hips, crotch slunk a little low, ripped in the thigh wide legged girl. I don't think I am alone here. I think there are many wide leg girls out there but they have all been shamed into the background by the elusive skinny jean. Now another fall is upon us and skinny jeans are still in the forefront of fashion without a wide leg in sight.
It has become my mission to embrace what I cannot change and attempt to lose enough weight to not only wear skinny jeans but look good in them.
Once upon a time I was about to get married. I went on a diet of no carbohydrates for 9 months. This lead to a fantastic weight loss of 10lbs and a body I could dress up in a bikini. 2.3 years later I cannot wear a bikini. In fact I have gained more weight then I had originally lost. This weight gain has put me in a position of stressful dislike. Now is the time to change myself.
On Monday's I will weigh in. This will help me from cheating on the weekends, or so I hope.
Most days I will try to record what I ate. Not in a psycho eating disorder way but in a way I can track what I eat and figure out why I am or am not losing weight.
I will go to Curves like I used to about 4-6 days a week. I will also attempt to add pilates or yoga to at least 2 days of the week and add a different exercise such as running in the mix.
Thanksgiving will not count as a weight loss day.
Nor will the Chanukah party.
By New Years I hope to lose 10lbs to start. I want it to be a happy 2011. By January 1, 2011 I will go and try on skinny jeans and see how I fair. I will post pictures of my triumph or humiliation.
And when this is all said and done and I feel as though I am in shape and feel good about myself, I will go find wide leg jeans and wear them proudly in my new body that can wear skinny jeans but chooses not to..
It has become my mission to embrace what I cannot change and attempt to lose enough weight to not only wear skinny jeans but look good in them.
Once upon a time I was about to get married. I went on a diet of no carbohydrates for 9 months. This lead to a fantastic weight loss of 10lbs and a body I could dress up in a bikini. 2.3 years later I cannot wear a bikini. In fact I have gained more weight then I had originally lost. This weight gain has put me in a position of stressful dislike. Now is the time to change myself.
On Monday's I will weigh in. This will help me from cheating on the weekends, or so I hope.
Most days I will try to record what I ate. Not in a psycho eating disorder way but in a way I can track what I eat and figure out why I am or am not losing weight.
I will go to Curves like I used to about 4-6 days a week. I will also attempt to add pilates or yoga to at least 2 days of the week and add a different exercise such as running in the mix.
Thanksgiving will not count as a weight loss day.
Nor will the Chanukah party.
By New Years I hope to lose 10lbs to start. I want it to be a happy 2011. By January 1, 2011 I will go and try on skinny jeans and see how I fair. I will post pictures of my triumph or humiliation.
And when this is all said and done and I feel as though I am in shape and feel good about myself, I will go find wide leg jeans and wear them proudly in my new body that can wear skinny jeans but chooses not to..
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