who is currently on unemployment. I am a liar to myself. I am a fraud. I started a blog about losing weight and all I've done is gain a pound, lost a pound, gained two pounds. So far I am nowhere but up in weight and down in the dumps.
This blog was suppose to be motivation. It was suppose to inspire me to do well so when others read it they would see my accomplishments. Instead it was just here doing nothing just as I was at home doing nothing.
Can I start again? Do I have permission from this blog to move on and forget the past couple of months? Can I really maintain a healthy eating regiment along with exercise and the occasional good time?
This weekend I justified a piece of cheesecake with a 15 minute run at the gym and a 5 minute stair climber. The end result was I remained the same.
Today starts a new challenge. Today I will not justify anything. I will eat my calories. I will go to the gym. I will apply to new jobs and I will not complain or threaten to die.
I will knit to my fingers bleed instead of putting another snack in my mouth during the evening.
I have to start thinking of this not as a diet but as a change of who I am. I have always thought of myself as a fat person. Even when I lost the weight both times I still felt fat and ugly. I want to change as a person. If I can only lose 10lbs then I will love who I am at 10lbs lighter.
I can't blame the sitting at work anymore. I can't blame making dinner for Jake or having to watch the dog. I can't even blame myself anymore because it's killing me.
Today I start new. Hopefully I can manage this.
